Have you ever noticed the way people treat each other seems to change, based on what the other person in the equation can do “for them,” or what they can get “from them? It's unfortunate, but this self-serving obstacle to relationships is a mentality that’s plagued human relationships for ages. We see this played out all around us. In fact, in today's world, it feels even more glaring, with every detail of our connections—or disconnections—broadcasted for all to see.

And it leaves us feeling rather hollow inside... because something is missing.

The thing is, it’s way too easy to look outward, casting our stones at those who treat people in ways that might not align with our values. But if we’re being honest with ourselves, we’ve probably slipped into those same patterns too, even if it wasn’t our intention.

So, when we recognize it, can anything be done to alter or reverse those negative tides? Can we elevate our connection skills to a level where we can rest more easily at night, and feel more at peace with how we’ve treated people in our days?

I’m on the side of “yes, this is completely possible!”

Just like everything in life, meaningful connections don’t happen by chance—they’re designed on purpose.

And I get it... that sense of satisfaction we crave from our interactions isn't always easy to achieve. Building true connections requires genuine effort and intention, but those rewards can be incredibly powerful.

So, before we even start out of that conversation gate, there’s a telling question we’ve got to address first, regardless of who it is we’re seeking to connect with.

Right about now you might be countering with, “Seriously?  Even if the person isn’t someone I want to connect with on a deeper level?”

Absolutely, yes.

We can become skilled in utilizing this question anytime we're open to levelling up our connections. In fact, the question I’m about to reveal applies to all levels of relationships ... even if they might not be those “forever” kinds of relationships. 

We don’t need I.Q. levels that are off-the-charts to harness this ability. A decade of post-secondary education isn’t even required to incorporate this question into our everyday lives.

And interestingly enough, our response to this question will often reveal more about how we view ourselves than the person we're seeking to connect with.

Once we consider how simple this question really is, it’s almost astonishing.

... Ready for the big reveal yet?

You’re about to learn T E N powerful words that when properly applied, can set you apart; helping transform your interactions from the mundane to the extraordinary, and deepen the sense of connection in your relationships.

Here’s the big question worth committing to memory:

“How do I want the other person to feel afterward?”

Did you know the way we leave people feeling after we’ve been with them is like our personal brand—it's what we become known for! Our words can either uplift and inspire or, unfortunately even cause harm. The choice is ours to make.

 Asking ourselves, “How do I want the other person to feel afterward?” is actually part of the secret sauce for transforming words into something meaningful; forging the real connections we all long for.

So, how does this actually work in everyday life?

Assuming we want to leave people feeling positive after our interactions, let’s consider how this plays out in real life. Imagine catching up with a friend who’s been feeling stressed. You’d likely want them to feel relaxed and supported. You might say, “I really admire how you’ve been handling everything lately. How are you holding up?”

When focusing on how we want others to feel, here are some simple ways to make those interactions more impactful, leading to more authentic connections.

 Re-wiring Your Approach:

1)      Meet their Gaze:  Looking the person in the eyes is one of the most valuable ways to communicate value. That simple act instantly says, “You matter to me. I’m interested in you as a person.” 

2)    Start with a Positive Tone:  Kick off the conversation with a sincere compliment or a warm, positive remark. This sets a welcoming tone and helps foster a connection. (Remember, flattery is a no-go! Empty praise can come off as insincere and may even work against your goals to connect.)

Instead of starting with a generic greeting, here are some alternatives to try:

• “I’ve really been looking forward to catching up with you. I appreciate how dedicated you’ve been to your passion lately. How’s everything going?”

• “I’m always impressed by your creativity. What new ideas or projects are you excited about these days?”

This approach genuinely acknowledges the person’s efforts and sets a positive tone for the conversation.

3)      Ask Open-Ended Questions:  These are the kinds of question that won't merely generate a “yes” or “no” response. When you use questions like these, the person feels invited to share more about their thoughts and feelings, leading to more meaningful and engaging interactions.  

• Instead of asking, “Did you have a good weekend?” (which merely invokes a yes or no response) try asking, “What was the highlight of your weekend? I’d love to hear more about it.”

• Instead of asking, “How are you?" try asking, “What’s been the most rewarding part of your home-life or work-life lately? I’m curious about what’s been driving you.”

• Instead of asking, “What’s new?”, try asking “Can you tell me more about the challenges you’ve faced recently and how you’ve been tackling them?”

A little creativity with our question-asking skills can work wonders.

4) Stick Around for Their Response:   This might seem like a small detail, but waiting for the response can make a big difference. I’ve often experienced moments where someone asks a question and then walks away before I can even reply. It’s frustrating and can communicate lack of care. (In fact, lately I've actually begun waiting to see if the person has stopped or is genuinely interested in hearing my thoughts before I answer!) Taking the time to listen is often under-valued, yet it shows respect and fosters stronger connections.

Whether or not our values align with the other person, I believe people are created with dignity. And even on those days when we might not always act in ways that reflect this, it’s always worth our time to invest into others. 

Be assured with this: before engaging in conversation, we simply can't go wrong by first asking ourselves the impactful question, "How do I want the other person to feel afterward?"

Conversation is a gift, but when we unwrap it through truly connecting with someone, it can transform into something priceless.

At the end of the day, re-wiring our approach through practical ways like these will go a long way toward supercharging authentic connections in life.

To Elevating Your Everyday,
~Karlene

PS: Did you know you're literally designed to THRIVE in life? Stay tuned for the next post coming up in this series - carefully crafted to help take you another step further in supercharging those connections!

Eager to find real, effective ways to tackle those toxic words? Check out my site and discover how my book, "Clean Beauty for the Mind: Three Ways to Cleanse the Toxic Words of Others," can make a difference. It’s an amazing way to upgrade your life in real time.

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